Posted by : Novey Justice Monday, March 24, 2014

Me waking up at 2:30 AM always sent my body into overdrive, I've always been told that only bad things lurk at 1A.M thru 5AM in the morning I guess they are right. Because there was only one thing
my mind wanted at that time of morning. I went to the bathroom cutting on the lights that automatically made my eyes squint. Looking in the mirror realizing they were really red I ran the faucet water splashed it on my eyes.

The red lines sprouting from my pupils were a dead give away that I was in a deep sleep. If someone was to ask me why I was woke I couldn't answer them. My body seems to be wired for the night life, if I was from a big city I would had called a cab and went to the nearest club or restaurant.

 But when you live in a small town like I do, you really don't have many options either take your ass to sleep, take a cruise around your city or call someone to curve that sexual appetite that you might have built up through the day. In my case I couldn't call anyone, because well I didn't go out much and I was to afraid to give people my number and them not being about to understand that I wanted no attachments.  

But this morning I was feeling a little adventurous. I heard about this new social media network where casual hook ups where not frown upon. I mean me personally I could never use Facebook as a hook up site to many friends in common and now that people love to screen shot conversations and pics I truly wanted to be anonymous.

Of course I would never do a casual hook up, times were to risky, but what's wrong with a casual convo of what if's and thinking hard about different scenarios. So I made a account on Mate& but here came the hard part; thinking of a handle (you know your screen name) hmm VibrantLeo nah to colorful. I wanted something straight to the point. Hmmm TongueTied bingo so I used TongueTied as a screen-name, and of course to my surprise it was in use already "Damn it, I thought to myself" Fuck it, EXPLICKIT and before I could do it, the name went through.

Damn! why did I do that? but Oh well,what is done has been done no going back, uploading a picture was the harder task do I want to use a picture of myself or some image off of Google. I didn't want to trick anyone of thinking I'm not who I say I am, but I don't want them to actually know who I was, so I decided to use a older picture of myself. 

I know what I want from this situation just someone who I can engage in conversation with during the 2 hour commute from work and back and on some lunch breaks. I promised myself nothing sexual just someone, who I can get through these dull lonely nights with. That's when I got a loud hum from my phone it was a text from my ex. I let out a loud sigh of hesitation do I want to even read it.Thinking I should; delete it and not care what was said but I opened it.

Ex: It's been 5 months I have given you, your space like you asked I tried calling before texting. I know you're alive because when I drive by your house I see your car. I need those paper signed about the house, just hit me back ASAP please.

Apart of me wanted to say nothing and go back to building this profile online..But fuck it I'll respond.

Me: Well,well,well look who it is looking for an answer, to be honest I don't know when you'll get those papers but I wouldn't hold breath. But you seem good at doing that since the last time I seen you, you were on your knees...Well you know how that story goes.. Fuck you and that house.

I smiled, as my fingers glide over my phone chuckling at the fact this bitch needed something from me this text should get it together, sending the message lifted my heart and all that fucking stress. The phone hummed again. I opened it up.. 

Ex: First of all I know I fucked up, secondly you are not perfect you fucked up to! It's so easy for you to say, I'm a fucked up individual when you were never home. We didn't fuck, you were totally disconnected! After the baby died you just completely stop giving a fuck about us; especially yourself you let it go. And I'm not saying it like it wasn't hard for me,but you forgot about me I allowed you time to grieve and for you to figure out a way to cope but I saw no hope. I apologize for not being forthcoming to you. I HAVE NEEDS TOO!

In a fit of rage I started to bite my nails then I started to think of all the pent up aggression and angry I had in me to muster up a detail message.

Me: You have to forgive me for not giving a fuck about your needs or the fact that you think that I should have changed my work schedule that contributed to help US to get that lavish ass house on the hill.

AND BITCH HOW DARE YOU BRING "Kaiden" into this fucking fight. The baby had nothing to do with why I disconnected from you.Your so typical the original spin artist, you want things your way or no way well bitch I'm not your parent I don't do temper tantrums. Instead of worrying about why we didn't fuck ask yourself why would I want to fuck your whiny ass. Since you want that house you can have it but don't ask me for shit. Sincerely, No Fucks Given 

I sat there with a smirk on my face after I sent the message waiting on a reply 4 minutes went by,

Ex: One day all this will pass and I'll forgive you, I see clearly your upset but I'm not! You see life goes on darling. Your not living your life your in hiding for God sakes, SMH you dress in all black, the curtains are drawn in  tiny apartment, you're miserable probably eating frozen t.v dinners. LOL aww you mad your soo fucking sexy when you're mad it looks good on YOU.

The smirk was gone by this point, fuck! It wasn't suppose to be a battle but I felt defeated, The point of me not talking to them so they could know I wasn't worried or didn't care about the situation. I wouldn't respond back no one has time for the back and forth especially when you had nothing to talk about, but I have the upper hand they want my signature. There shall be a round two and I will be mentally prepared, but  back to this profile..

Tagline: I can't be there with you,but I can dream...


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