Posted by : Novey Justice Monday, April 7, 2014

The shower is where I come to complete my thoughts staring a hole into the shower head my mind started to wonder. Thoughts like "Where did this water actually come from?" How old is the water we drink? I mean the earth is billions of years old, there's no way you can clean millions years of water. Standing in the steamy hot shower pouring "Dove" extra sensitive body wash into my loofah. Gliding the soapy loofah into my golden brown skin stretching my arms out lathering my forearm and elbows with the suds I look down to my feet and wiggle my toes. Looking at the elaborate tribal tattoo on my left foot brought back memories of when I got it on that cold October night.

 I was so drunk completely drunk Maliah and I promised each other after our exams we would have couples night and do something adventurous, "Oh baby we should get matching tattoos!" she said, I don't know Mal I don't like needles and besides where would we get it? she thought for a second "Our feet" she said, I thought long and hard about it. I mean it's something I had thought about. I saw a tribal tattoo online that I was very fond of and saved it on my computer. I sighed OK, Maliah I guess I muttered. She did a wiggle dance of excitement, snapping back to reality the bathroom had became a stream room.

 Taking the loofah pouring the water into my scalp stepping closer into the shower head opening my mouth letting the water fill the rim of my mouth, spitting it out gently running my hands down my body lifting my arms admiring my freshly manicured hands gliding the loofah to my ample breast rubbing the loofah across my nipple. In the distant I could hear the phone humming, messages galore I bet. My boss had my phone number he wanted to make sure I could come into work, since I isolated myself from the world I indulged myself into hours of mind boggling work days.

 I stepped outside the shower wiping my hand across the mirror looking at myself in the face puckering my full lips applying lip gloss across my apricot colored lips. Looking into my eyes was another story they seemed dull like no life lived in them. My uncle once told me that "The eyes are the mirror of the soul." Then I must have been dead. If I could see the dullness I wonder what others saw I mean I guess they figured something was array because of my wardrobe had been all black attire. To me black has always been appealing and I didn't feel like picking vibrant colors if it wasn't my mood. The phone started to ring all these calls in one day I pray no one has died like seriously. 

I dashed into my room answering the phone "Nicole?" Hello? I look down at my phone it was my mother. Mom? Hey what's going on? You called like six times. My mother in her heavy island accent " Don't hey mom me" where have you been child? You don't call,write,send SOS SIGNALS nothing. Why is that Nicole? Mom I said I've been really busy working paying bills making a life for myself you know that. "Cut the bullshit Nicole" your living alone in that apartment in isolation still moping around like some high school girl whose first love broke up with them. 

Time to move on from "Her" My mother never called Maliah by her name, mother was totally against us being together at first, then she came around to liking her. Mom! Please I'm not moping around I have things to do honestly and I'm grown I didn't think I had to check in with you everyday! "Excuse the hell out of me little girl, I should cut your tongue out for the rudeness but I'll let you live today only because I know your sensitive. You need a man in your life, someone strong to hold you down my love. A MAN who will provide and protect you. What's the difference ma? I exclaimed

When it comes to infidelity they all cheat men and women. My mother sighed, so your not attracted to men? I am I said, I haven't found anyone worth being with. "It's because your not looking, your in a funk." Nicole no matter what I love you I just want you to get over this thing. I know mom, I appreciate your concern I said. I could feel her smiley warmly through the phone. Goodbye Nicole she said, Bye mom I said softly.

I sat on the edge of the bed thinking of my mother words she had a point, What's the point of moping it's over time to write a new chapter I was young and eager for new experiences. I said I didn't want Maliah, so why was I still harboring these feelings. Why was I still doing the same thing day in and day out I reached for my phone scrolled through my apps. I realized then I had three new messages from Mate& I was hesitant to look at them due to the weird and crazy people who usually responds to profiles of young women. I was a stickler for profile names it told me a lot about a person what they liked what they were truly interested in. I clicked the messages. 

TxBoiDollaz sent you a message PASS.. Mr.Black..Hmm I'll have to see what's that's about. Cruel Intentions has sent you a message. From some odd reason that caught my eye Cruel Intentions? I opened the message and the lined read "When was the last time you did something for the very first time?" I sighed and thought to myself it has been a long time since I've done anything new. I clicked the picture on the side of the screen there he was a brown skin man with green eyes not contacts but greenish brown eyes that were alluring  with full lips I looked into his eyes and got lost. I read his profile his tagline read "In the middle of nowhere is where you'll  find your strengths and weaknesses" 

That statement made me think of how true it was because during time of despair you find yourself latching to the things to make you feel stronger people places things. You find weaknesses in the things you can't live without. I went to the messages I hit reply, I wrote in the message Your question is complex but to answer it has been awhile I live based on a schedule so nothing new. I sent the message, thinking I wouldn't get a reply til later in the day. 

 Cruel Intentions has sent you a message, I look down at my phone in surprise he's fast but his reply was interesting.
"What a pity, I would say your not living life but you're breathing so technically you are ALIVE But when you live. Everyday is a brand new chapter of a beautiful beginning I don't want you to feel like I'm crucifying you. How can you free yourself from the bondage of your schedule add something new into it. Explore and free your mind. More importantly have no regrets in your decision."

I stood in the full length mirror stared at myself doing something for the first time had always been fulfilling I thought to myself. Holding my naked breast letting go be free for once in a long time EXPLORE.

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